It's almost 11:30 pm and here I sit, 8 weeks pregnant, waiting on Nasir to come back from having a conversation with the mother of his sons. He left at 10 this morning, and I haven't heard from him since. Not a text message, an e-mail, nothing. I've blown his phone and his inbox up all day, just waiting to hear what her response would be to my pregnancy. Nasir swore he would be back way before this and try as I might to block it out of my mind, I can't help but think that he won't even tell her about it.
There is a slight chance that I am being played here.
Granted, this has been a whirlwind relationship and I shouldn't be so quick to doubt Nasir. Who knew only 2 months after we met we would create a baby? My sister cursed me out about not using protection, but I couldn't help it--nothing feels better than feeling Nasir inside of me, and honestly, I'm happy to be having our baby. I want us to be a family.
These few months of summer solidified the bond between Nasir and I with all of our attachments out of town. Right after school let out, I sent my girls off with their fathers back East, and Nasir's baby's momma, Lynn, took herself and their two boys down to Florida to visit her parents. Nasir and Lynn had decided that it wasn't working between them and for the time being, he would move into his mom's house. I convinced him to stay with me for the summer, considering I had the apartment to myself. That was both a good and bad idea cause now that everybody is back, I miss him being here terribly.
We have fucked through the entire month of June, only leaving the house for work. Our co-workers at the office kept giving us these looks, and I was down to let folks know about our relationship, but Nasir said something about it going against company policy so I stayed hushed up. I did tell Pam though, since we did hook up at her house and she had an inkling of what was going on. We even fucked at the office once, both of us insisting we needed to work late, though sex in the workplace was a fantasy we shared. We thought we heard the elevator going at first, but Nasir checked the halls and didn't see anybody. I creamed all over my paperwork and spent the next day retyping some of the work that couldn't be salvaged. I swear the man was sexing me crazy.
When we weren't together I thought about him constantly, sending him little love text messages and everything. I felt like a teenager again, scribbling his name on pieces of paper, my mind constantly wandering and clouded with thoughts of him. I attached a picture I had of him to my steering wheel so I could see his face while I was driving. He would call me at all times of the day, even while at work and talk about nothing really--saying he just wanted to hear my voice. When we did get into real conversations, it seemed like there was nothing we couldn't talk about: work, culture, music, and books--we had it all in common.
Nasir even got me to smoke weed again temporarily, rolling blunt after blunt over chess games. home. I ended up investing in a lot of nag champa incense to cover the smell, but after awhile, I enjoyed the aroma--it relaxed me. The game of chess became our weekly ritual and over the weeks I got hooked on the game, on him, and would wake up some mornings feeling inspired. I started writing poetry and painting--all of it sparked by him and I never wanted summertime to end. It would, of course, and when it did I was happy to see my girls return. It's amazing how quickly they had changed over the summer, both a bit taller and older looking. Nasir stayed with us a bit longer, but it got to be too crowded with all four of us, so he ended up moving in with his moms for real.
Then I started throwing up.
At first, I blamed it on my experimental cooking and heavy wine consumption. Nasir and I had been drinking wine on the daily and I was experimenting with different recipes, curry being the most recent prior to the beginning of my morning sickness. But when it happened for four days in a row, I knew what was happening, the feeling was all too familiar. An EPT test and a quick trip to my OB/GYN confirmed what I already knew--Nasir and I were to become parents, this time with one another.
I cried for eight days straight before I would tell him, refusing his visits and phone calls. He damn near stalked me to find out what was happening. I was afraid to tell him because I was certain he would pull a fast one on me, just disappoint me to no end. Instead, he held me close to him, and cried with me, but his were tears of joy. He was certain I would give him a daughter since he already had two sons. Secretly, I longed for a boy since I already had two girls--but I didn't care what the baby was because it was our love child.
But lately, Nasir has changed a bit and I figure it's cause I'm grumpy half of the time since I can't keep my food down. My nipples have been too sore to touch for about two weeks straight and I can't stand the smell of anything right now. He spends a lot more time at his mom's house than over here with me and the girls, but I know neither one of us wants to give the wrong impression to the kids. He even has been spending some nights over Lynn's house with the boys, but that doesn't bother me, at least not a whole lot. He has a separate phone line over there, and when I can't reach him there I just call Lynn's main number, and she always gives him the phone. I'm mad curious about what Nasir tells her about me, but considering she never sweats him or me when I call, I figure there is nothing to worry about. I am a bit worried that she snapped on him about my pregnancy though because I still have not heard from him.
I want to put my faith in this man, this time, because I really don't want to go through this pregnancy alone. I think back on the beginning of summertime and how Nasir and I talked about doing the black Brady Bunch thing—he and his two kids and me and mine, making one big family. We even toyed with the idea of running off to Mexico and secretly getting married. It was all just talk—neither of us made a move to make that trip happen. He did buy me a ring though, a beautiful sterling silver ankh for my ring finger. I wanted him to get a tattoo of my name since he has Lynn’s name sprawled across his chest, but he said he would never do that again. Even though I know there is nothing between them anymore, looking at her name on his chest makes me uneasy sometimes. I can only imagine how much he was into her back when he got it done.
It's scary being a single parent of two, and sometimes I miss Amir around here, collecting unemployment. Though trifling sometimes, I could always count on him to help me with the girls when I needed him to. He called a few times over the summer to check in on me and to let Amira hear my voice when she got homesick. I felt nothing though while talking to him on the phone. It's cool that he was concerned and I respect that, but I have no interest in being with him. We just never had that passion between us, the kind of fiery connection that Nasir and I have.
But I keep thinking that maybe I shouldn't have this baby, I mean why complicate my life even more? I know I got a few more weeks to think on it--some places allow you to have an abortion up until the 22nd week. It's dangerous, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I actually brought it up to Nasir just once because I didn't want to things to change between us. He was actually offended that I believed things would change because of it. But he didn't get pissed at me--just said that it was ultimately my decision, but he wanted me to have it. I feel so uncertain, I mean, could this be my son or his daughter? The child didn't asked to be made and it was definitely made out of love so...I just need more time to think.
The longer I sit here though waiting on Nasir, the more paranoid I become. The last time he spent the night here, I waited until he was asleep and checked his cell phone. I was surprised to see he had so many female callers on his cell phone, even a few of the women we work with. I wanted to confront him about it, but then that would be me admitting to sneaking and looking at his shit. Plus I knew I was overreacting, just feeling paranoid about things.
I called my sister to ask her opinion and she just laughed at me and told me I was one of the smartest, dumb women she knew. I didn’t know what she meant by that at all. She even said that this child would end up just like my other two and why couldn't I see the writing on the wall? I don't know where she gets off judging me and feeling all superior when she knows what it's like to not have the father of your child around. Sometimes situations just happen and you have to make the best of them. I won't be calling her ass for a while--I know she is lonely and probably a bit jealous because I do have somebody, while all she does have is her child. Some folks just have a superiority complex and I know better than most that she suffers from that. She can be a bitch from time to time.
I'm tired of waiting for Nasir tonight. It's so not like him to not call or come by when he says he will. I'm worried something might have happened to him, but I can't shake the feeling that something else is going on. I'm going to try to stay up for another 30 minutes or so—and it might sound crazy, but I'm going to see if I can't figure out the password to his e-mail account. That will hold my attention for a while.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Friday
Adonis (Act I)
All his life Teddy had faced the same challenge: women. As much as they complicated his world, Teddy would come to accept the fact that he had an addiction to women.
It was at the age of 15 that it all began and the end of puberty put Teddy at the six feet and five inches that would be his height the entirety of his life. He was the youngest guard on the basketball team at Junipero Serra High School, an all-male, Catholic school in Gardena and though no girls attended Serra, Teddy could count on seeing plenty of friendly female faces after each game. In Gardena amongst the high school girls, Teddy was a legend for being the most desired young man in the area. He stuck with basketball, not because he was great at it, but because he noticed the attention it gained him, both on and off the court, and it wasn't surprising to Teddy when in his senior year, he was offered a basketball scholarship to UCLA. He didn't hesitate accepting--but his ball career would be cut short in his second quarter there. Academic probation, coupled with a knee injury that kept interfering with his performance caused Teddy to rely on his brain and not his brawn to finish school.
Aside from ball, Teddy didn't understand why women loved him so. Although he was tall, his body didn't have the lean, lithe build of most basketball players. Often, Teddy was mistaken for a football player due to the stockiness of his build. He didn't care to smile, having chipped a tooth in the 10th grade during a game. Furthermore, he had suffered many injuries and his body showcased some scars and a couple of crooked fingers. Yet and all, on and off the court, he made the women swoon.
Determined to complete his college education, Teddy took the end of his athletic career in stride and enter his third quarter at UCLA with full force. Choosing psychology as his major, Teddy did well in his courses, and the abundance of help offered by his female classmates came in handy. Living on campus in Saxon Suites, Teddy's late night study sessions were often followed by even later night sex sessions. Finals study sessions that quarter during "Dead Week" found Teddy in the midst of a threesome after pulling an all-nighter for a Social Psych test. The two young ladies involved were best friends, and had their eye on Teddy the minute he entered the course that quarter. Teddy would begin his second year on the same note when the same young ladies showed up to his dorm room, with champagne, wearing nothing but trench coats to celebrate the fact that all three of them passed the test. They had to agree--the late night adrenaline rush did the trick.
But the second year of school would find Teddy in a new position--he would be at the feet of a woman for the first time. The moment he saw Hazel moving into the dorm he was smitten. He offered to assist she and her parents with her things, although he had difficulty understanding her parents' thick West Indian accent. Hazel watched him as he attempted a conversation with her father and smiled to herself. He was a cute guy, but nothing special and it was this aspect of Hazel's character that made Teddy adore her. He would watch her from afar, her long black braid, swinging down to her waist, wondering if he could get her to take all of that hair down for him to see. However, Hazel would prove to be unattainable--she was a Christian with a staunch set of religious beliefs and practices, one of which was, no sex before marriage. As much as it ached Teddy to go without sex, he managed as long as he could keep Hazel in his company. By winter quarter of his second year, Hazel trusted him implicitly.
Hazel also ached from not being able to get closer to Teddy, but she remained committed to her beliefs. With Teddy, she let her guard down a bit, allowing him to visit her in her dorm room, and eventually visiting him in his, since he had a room all to himself. Those visits turned into overnight visits though they continued to refrain from sexual intercourse, but Teddy convinced Hazel to try oral sex. She had no interest in performing it on him, but allowed him to do it to her--she figured she had nothing to lose since she couldn't get pregnant that way and would still physically be a virgin, but from the first lick, she was hooked--and so was Teddy.
That first night, without Teddy even requesting, Hazel had taken her hair down. The weight of her braid pulled into a bun was hurting her neck and she wanted to relax. Teddy watched her long, black hair cascade down her back and he could not stop the gasp that left his mouth. Hazel caught his expression in the mirror and smiled. "You are so beautiful Hazel", he said, his voice soft and vulnerable. Hazel turned and went to him, sat in his lap, and kissed him. When he lifted her off of his lap and laid her in his bed, she did not fight him, even when he reached under her skirt to remove her panties. It only took seconds for Teddy's thick fingers to stimulate Hazel's clit to ecstasy and the sound of her moans made him hungry for more. He licked Hazel's clit like a cat, and happily drank in all of the sweet juice that flowed from her. She was making puddles in his bed and he didn't want to miss a drop, lifting her ass off of the bed to catch the juice dripping there. Hazel screamed as her body shook from all of the new sensations she was feeling with Teddy. She wanted to shut her legs together tightly, but was helpless in his hands. Teddy licked her for hours until Hazel passed out from back to back orgasms. As she slept, Teddy lay there watching her, running his fingers through her hair. He loved this woman and wanted to protect her, make her permanently his. He respected the values she stood on, and appreciated how she made him earn his this place in her life. She tasted so sweet, so ripe, and so pure, and he knew he wanted to be the first and only man to touch Hazel deep inside.
That spring quarter, Teddy proposed and Hazel accepted and during the summer that followed they were married. Moving off-campus and into their own place proved more financially demanding then on-campus living and one of them had to sacrifice. Hazel couldn't stand the thought of not finishing school so Teddy took a leave of absence, and got a full-time job on-campus as a career counselor.
The first few years of marriage were blissful for Teddy and Hazel and when she graduated, Teddy couldn't be more proud of his beautiful wife. He was anxious to get back to his own studies, but Hazel suggested he keep working until they bought a house and then he could continue his studies. It would be three years until they accomplished that goal and by then, the honeymoon phase was over for the couple.
The women on campus hated Hazel for snatching the prize male off the market and many didn't care that Teddy was happily married. Teddy found himself often hemmed up by young co-eds claiming they didn't know what they were going to do after graduation, but were certain they would do Teddy after a session of counseling. For awhile, Teddy was able to fight it off without a problem, but when things begin to change between he and Hazel, he found himself booking a few after hours counseling sessions. Hazel never knew about these transgressions and never questioned Teddy's whereabouts, until her cousin Sanja moved in with them from the West Indies.
Sanja was a temptress, a total brick-house in stature with the gift of gab to boot. She called her favorite little cousin Hazel and told her she needed to stay with her for awhile since she could find better job opportunities in the U.S. What she didn't tell Hazel was that she had to leave the West Indies after getting caught fucking their aunt's new husband. The family would have nothing to do with Sanja anymore--she had broken more homes than they could repair. Betraying her family had been the last straw.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
It was at the age of 15 that it all began and the end of puberty put Teddy at the six feet and five inches that would be his height the entirety of his life. He was the youngest guard on the basketball team at Junipero Serra High School, an all-male, Catholic school in Gardena and though no girls attended Serra, Teddy could count on seeing plenty of friendly female faces after each game. In Gardena amongst the high school girls, Teddy was a legend for being the most desired young man in the area. He stuck with basketball, not because he was great at it, but because he noticed the attention it gained him, both on and off the court, and it wasn't surprising to Teddy when in his senior year, he was offered a basketball scholarship to UCLA. He didn't hesitate accepting--but his ball career would be cut short in his second quarter there. Academic probation, coupled with a knee injury that kept interfering with his performance caused Teddy to rely on his brain and not his brawn to finish school.
Aside from ball, Teddy didn't understand why women loved him so. Although he was tall, his body didn't have the lean, lithe build of most basketball players. Often, Teddy was mistaken for a football player due to the stockiness of his build. He didn't care to smile, having chipped a tooth in the 10th grade during a game. Furthermore, he had suffered many injuries and his body showcased some scars and a couple of crooked fingers. Yet and all, on and off the court, he made the women swoon.
Determined to complete his college education, Teddy took the end of his athletic career in stride and enter his third quarter at UCLA with full force. Choosing psychology as his major, Teddy did well in his courses, and the abundance of help offered by his female classmates came in handy. Living on campus in Saxon Suites, Teddy's late night study sessions were often followed by even later night sex sessions. Finals study sessions that quarter during "Dead Week" found Teddy in the midst of a threesome after pulling an all-nighter for a Social Psych test. The two young ladies involved were best friends, and had their eye on Teddy the minute he entered the course that quarter. Teddy would begin his second year on the same note when the same young ladies showed up to his dorm room, with champagne, wearing nothing but trench coats to celebrate the fact that all three of them passed the test. They had to agree--the late night adrenaline rush did the trick.
But the second year of school would find Teddy in a new position--he would be at the feet of a woman for the first time. The moment he saw Hazel moving into the dorm he was smitten. He offered to assist she and her parents with her things, although he had difficulty understanding her parents' thick West Indian accent. Hazel watched him as he attempted a conversation with her father and smiled to herself. He was a cute guy, but nothing special and it was this aspect of Hazel's character that made Teddy adore her. He would watch her from afar, her long black braid, swinging down to her waist, wondering if he could get her to take all of that hair down for him to see. However, Hazel would prove to be unattainable--she was a Christian with a staunch set of religious beliefs and practices, one of which was, no sex before marriage. As much as it ached Teddy to go without sex, he managed as long as he could keep Hazel in his company. By winter quarter of his second year, Hazel trusted him implicitly.
Hazel also ached from not being able to get closer to Teddy, but she remained committed to her beliefs. With Teddy, she let her guard down a bit, allowing him to visit her in her dorm room, and eventually visiting him in his, since he had a room all to himself. Those visits turned into overnight visits though they continued to refrain from sexual intercourse, but Teddy convinced Hazel to try oral sex. She had no interest in performing it on him, but allowed him to do it to her--she figured she had nothing to lose since she couldn't get pregnant that way and would still physically be a virgin, but from the first lick, she was hooked--and so was Teddy.
That first night, without Teddy even requesting, Hazel had taken her hair down. The weight of her braid pulled into a bun was hurting her neck and she wanted to relax. Teddy watched her long, black hair cascade down her back and he could not stop the gasp that left his mouth. Hazel caught his expression in the mirror and smiled. "You are so beautiful Hazel", he said, his voice soft and vulnerable. Hazel turned and went to him, sat in his lap, and kissed him. When he lifted her off of his lap and laid her in his bed, she did not fight him, even when he reached under her skirt to remove her panties. It only took seconds for Teddy's thick fingers to stimulate Hazel's clit to ecstasy and the sound of her moans made him hungry for more. He licked Hazel's clit like a cat, and happily drank in all of the sweet juice that flowed from her. She was making puddles in his bed and he didn't want to miss a drop, lifting her ass off of the bed to catch the juice dripping there. Hazel screamed as her body shook from all of the new sensations she was feeling with Teddy. She wanted to shut her legs together tightly, but was helpless in his hands. Teddy licked her for hours until Hazel passed out from back to back orgasms. As she slept, Teddy lay there watching her, running his fingers through her hair. He loved this woman and wanted to protect her, make her permanently his. He respected the values she stood on, and appreciated how she made him earn his this place in her life. She tasted so sweet, so ripe, and so pure, and he knew he wanted to be the first and only man to touch Hazel deep inside.
That spring quarter, Teddy proposed and Hazel accepted and during the summer that followed they were married. Moving off-campus and into their own place proved more financially demanding then on-campus living and one of them had to sacrifice. Hazel couldn't stand the thought of not finishing school so Teddy took a leave of absence, and got a full-time job on-campus as a career counselor.
The first few years of marriage were blissful for Teddy and Hazel and when she graduated, Teddy couldn't be more proud of his beautiful wife. He was anxious to get back to his own studies, but Hazel suggested he keep working until they bought a house and then he could continue his studies. It would be three years until they accomplished that goal and by then, the honeymoon phase was over for the couple.
The women on campus hated Hazel for snatching the prize male off the market and many didn't care that Teddy was happily married. Teddy found himself often hemmed up by young co-eds claiming they didn't know what they were going to do after graduation, but were certain they would do Teddy after a session of counseling. For awhile, Teddy was able to fight it off without a problem, but when things begin to change between he and Hazel, he found himself booking a few after hours counseling sessions. Hazel never knew about these transgressions and never questioned Teddy's whereabouts, until her cousin Sanja moved in with them from the West Indies.
Sanja was a temptress, a total brick-house in stature with the gift of gab to boot. She called her favorite little cousin Hazel and told her she needed to stay with her for awhile since she could find better job opportunities in the U.S. What she didn't tell Hazel was that she had to leave the West Indies after getting caught fucking their aunt's new husband. The family would have nothing to do with Sanja anymore--she had broken more homes than they could repair. Betraying her family had been the last straw.
TO BE CONTINUED.....
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